


Notes From a Pandemic

by pennilesspoet



Series: Pandemic Verse [1]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Baking, Baseball, COVID-19, Cooking, Coronavirus, Dialogue Heavy, Domestic Fluff, Drabbles, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Pandemic - Freeform, Post-Canon, Quarantine, Sex bloopers, sourdough starters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:00:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25300507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pennilesspoet/pseuds/pennilesspoet
Summary: Short snapshots of life during a pandemic.
Relationships: Johnny Rose/Moira Rose, Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Series: Pandemic Verse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1860370
Comments: 32
Kudos: 167





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I think I traumatized a few people with my last fic, and for that, I apologize. I've jotted down a couple of silly pandemic-themed drabbles. I'll probably add more at some point, but here are two to get started. :)

** One **

It’s late afternoon. Golden rays of sunshine are streaming through the large picture window in the cottage’s small dining room. David, upon wrapping up a call with his sister, walks in to see his husband hunched over the dining table, deep in concentration. He takes a moment to appreciate the way the filtered sunlight is shining on Patrick’s newly emerging curls before approaching.

What he sees before him stops him in his tracks.

“What the hell are you doing?” David demands.

“What?” Patrick replies distractedly, his eyes never leaving the table.

“You just...started in the center? Like a psychopath!?”

Patrick looks up then, his brows furrowed. “The whole thing is black and white, David.”

“But you’re...you use _spreadsheets_!” 

“I don’t know what that means.”

“It means, you’re orderly, and organized, and this! THIS is _chaos_.”

“It was easier to start with the patterns. What does it matter?” Patrick looks both annoyed and amused at this point.

“I can’t believe I married someone who doesn’t start jigsaw puzzles on the edges,” David states faintly. He perches on an adjacent dining chair.

“I can’t believe I married someone who buys abstract art as puzzles,” Patrick mutters and picks up another puzzle piece. “You could start on the borders, you know?”

“Ugh, next thing I know you’re going to be asking me to help you hide a body or something,” David grouses, but he begins plucking corner and edge pieces out of the box.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Patrick retorts, “Stevie is much better with a shovel.”

**Two**

“Mom. Mom. MOM!”

“WHAT, David!? I’m striving to find the optimal angle for this little coffee klatch you have conjured up.”

“Well right now, we can all see right down your - “

“Moira, dear, just put the laptop down on the table.”

“Oh no, the dining room illumination is unacceptable.”

“OH MY GOD.”

“Hiii, sorry I’m late, my meeting was - oh my god, _Mom_!”

“Honey, maybe you should turn the camera off just for a moment.”

“Dad, why aren’t you helping her?”

“Oh, Mr. Rose can’t work the motel’s twenty-year-old computers, so I doubt he can navigate Zoom.”

“I’m gonna go make you some more coffee.”

“Thank you, honey! Can you put rum in it this time?”

“Patrick, can you also make me some rum coffee?”

“Stevie, you’re not allowed near us until your two-week quarantine is up. You haven’t left your apartment, have you??”

“UGH, David, she was staying with me in New York, she doesn’t have Covidvirus.”

“It’s _Coronavirus_ , and you don’t know that. She still had to get on an airplane!”

“Stevie, let us know if you need us to bring over more groceries.”

“Thank you, _Patrick_.”

[ _Film and Television’s_ _Moira Rose has left the meeting_ ]

“Ugh, she let Dad try to help her again.”

“Mmmkay, well, then I’m going to go, so I can bleach my brain after having to look down Mom’s dress for 20 minutes.”

“Um, you were _late_ so you hardly had to deal with it, and also, don’t drink bleach, no matter what you see on the news down there in the States.”

“Ugh, _you_ drink bleach, David.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More moments from pandemic life in SC.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kind notes about this! Here is another little drabble, which came to my head while I was watching a rerun of the 2014 World Series. I love baseball reruns, lol.

“I thought they weren’t playing sportsball anymore.”

Patrick glances up at David, who is hovering in the doorway between their living room and kitchen, before turning his attention back to the television.

“It isn’t live; this is a game from a couple of years ago.”

“So...you’ve already seen it?” 

“I have,” Patrick replies distractedly. 

“If you already know who won, why are you watching it again?”

The inning ends, and the game goes to commercial, so Patrick turns to look at David. His husband is still leaned against the door frame, his arms crossed over a very soft-looking sweater, a look of genuine confusion on his face.

“I don’t know, I guess I just enjoy it? Okay, how many times have you seen _Notting Hill_?”

“The number is in the double digits, and that’s different.”

“But why is it different? You know how the movie ends. In fact, you know almost every line in that movie word-for-word.”

“I don’t know _every_ line,” David replies defensively.

“David, it’s fine that you love that movie, and want to watch it once a week.”

“Okay, it’s not _once a week_ -”

“That isn’t the point. _Why_ do you like to watch movies that you’re already familiar with?”

David arches a brow and looks up to the ceiling with an exasperated sigh.

“Because it’s...like comfort food. The movies are familiar, and help me to relax when I’m feeling stressed, or overwhelmed, or anxious.”

“Okay,” Patrick smiles warmly, “well, maybe watching these old games is like that for me.”

He can see the realization hit David before he even finishes his sentence. 

“Ah. Yes, okay, I get that. Your game is back on,” David nods toward the television with a soft smile, then disappears into the kitchen. Patrick sighs and turns back to the game.

A few minutes later, David re-emerges with a tray filled with snacks, plus a glass of wine and a beer for Patrick. He sets the tray on the coffee table and turns to Patrick.

“Scoot,” David gestures, indicating that Patrick should sit up from where he has been sprawled across the sofa.

“David, what are we doing?” Patrick asks, amused, as he sits up. David settles behind him, back against the arm of the sofa, and pulls Patrick by the shoulder to settle against his chest.

“Snacks. We always need snacks if we are going to watch baseball,” David replies.

Smiling softly, Patrick leans up to kiss David’s jaw, before settling in to watch the game. 

“Thank you, David.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get a little spicy in the bedroom, but not in a fun way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I upped the rating because this chapter involves some sexy times! Nothing super explicit, but it is important to the story.
> 
> This may or may not be inspired by true events.

David has gotten a lot more enthusiastic about cooking since they redid the kitchen. 

Once the pandemic hits, he also takes to baking and is ridiculously proud of his sourdough starter. 

Today, Patrick is off on a hike (“I need to burn off some of these carbs, baby.”) so David decides to try out a recipe for jalapeño-cheddar bread that he has been eyeing for about a week. He puts on his favorite baking playlist and gets to work, grating cheese (he’s come a long way from the enchiladas incident) and slicing jalapeño. He incorporates both into his dough and gets it into the oven before Patrick returns. 

The jalapeño makes his hands burn a bit, but after washing them a few times, it’s hardly noticeable.

~@~

Patrick loves the bread, and only whines a little bit about how many more hikes he’s going to have to do to work it off. David paired the bread with a Guinness black bean chili, which leaves them both feeling full and lethargic. After Patrick cleans the kitchen, the pair collapse onto the sofa and zone out in front of  _ Sleepless in Seattle _ . About halfway through the film, David, feeling frisky, starts nuzzling Patrick’s neck. Patrick sighs contently, and tips his head, and the next thing they know, their pajama pants are around their ankles, and they are groping at each other with a frantic energy that was common in the early days of their relationship but is less rare now that they have space to take their time. David moves his hand up and down Patrick’s shaft, relishing in his husband’s deep moans. Suddenly, the tone of his moans change, and Patrick is squirming away from David. He falls unceremoniously onto the floor, and David sits up.

“What happened?”

“Fuck. It _burns_!”

“What?”

“David, did you get new lube or something?”

“No. I hadn’t even gotten to the lube yet!” David holds up the small bottle that lives in the back of one of the drawers in their console table.

“Well, something burns. Fuck, I need to go take a shower,” Patrick is really squirming now, and David can see that his pale face is bright red, and there are tears pooling in his eyes.

It’s only once David hears the shower come on that he realizes.

~@~

“Okay, the internet says shampoo is the best thing to use because it strips away oils,” David yells through the bathroom door. He feels like he should probably keep at least one door between him and his husband during this dark time.

“David, I don’t think this organic stuff you buy does that very well,” Patrick still sounds like he is in pain, and David bites his lip nervously.

“They also say dish soap will work! I’ll go get it!” David rushes down to the kitchen and grabs the dish soap refill from under the sink. As he turns to leave the kitchen, he sees the jalapeño-cheddar bread on the counter, and scowls. He didn’t realize that the oils from the pepper could linger like that! And his hands don’t burn as much as they did earlier. Though he imagines the burning sensation is much more pronounced on... He shudders, and rushes back up the stairs and into their bathroom. He hands Patrick the soap with a sheepish grin, only to receive a red-faced glare in return.

~@~

“Honey, I’m so sorry! I can make it up to you!”

“I know, you don’t have to keep apologizing, it's okay. I know it wasn’t intentional, but, uh, I think the mood has effectively been killed for the night,” Patrick replies tightly. He curls into David’s side after they switch off the lights though, so at least David knows that he isn’t mad at him anymore.

~@~

Patrick doesn’t let him near his dick for another few days, which is fair, and doesn’t let David finger him for another week after that. But while the incident is soon forgotten in the bedroom, David comes home from a grocery run one day to find a box of nitrile gloves on the kitchen counter, with a sticky note on top.

_ Always wear protection when touching hot stuff.  _

_ ~P _


End file.
